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June 30 2017

16:00
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yogibreez:

marsincharge:

zamzamafterzina:

carudamon119:

ねこ‏
@shimamike0814

雨の日の小さな幸せ

imagine if a bodega cat did this to your timbs in nyc…what happens?

Those Timbs are forever blessed and you’re protected from any slips and falls during the snowy season

If a bodega cat does this you’re automatically allowed to milly rock on any block

12:00

joshpeck:

‪Outkast singing “If what they say is nothing lasts forever then what makes love the exception” in Hey Ya was too deep when it was released in 2003 and it’s still too deep today‬

08:00
00:00

I cant believe the heterosexuals are gone

mynt-ii:

allogays:

loyalty-to-my-own:

sterlingarcher:

Theyre gone

We’re still here.

who said that

June 29 2017

20:00
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nick-avallone:

manoe:

nick-avallone:

sexting 101

him?

image
16:00
12:00

officialunitedstates:

moonshapes:

officialunitedstates:

hey here’s a fact for all of my followers who follow me.  butter, ice cream, milk, and cheese all come to us from the same animal.  i cant remember which animal it is right now but i know for sure its the same one

Ill give you a hint, it moos

thanks yeah it’s the moose

08:00
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servicetopholtzmann:

Kate getting an OITNB shout out.

00:00

sailorbryant:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on. 

June 28 2017

20:00
16:00

the6raisedme:

Hope you think of me & it fucks you up

12:00

ummomar:

You’ll end up real disappointed if you think people would do for you what you’d do for them

08:00
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thewitchcourse:

markv5:

Внебрачный сын пчелы и тигра…

00:00

wymanthewalrus:

treekarusblog:

wymanthewalrus:

buffet-anarchist:

wymanthewalrus:

omalleyred:

I know who we all REALLY want to see in Disney’s live action reboots.

image

Did I ever tell you guys how I actually semi-officially changed the canon of this movie

Oh?

Yeah I got one of the lead writers to make something canon with help from my roommate and his dad.

give us the deets

Ok so this all started with a fan theory I read on Reddit. Basically the theory was that since the only animals in the movie that are shown to be capable of speech used to be human, then any animal that can talk was at one point a human.

On Kuzco’s first night alone in the jungle, he sees a fly in a spiderweb. The fly screams “HELP ME” then gets eaten.

The theory was that that fly used to be human.

So my roommate really liked that theory and said “hey my dad is actually friends with the guy who wrote Emperor’s New Groove, he can ask him to confirm that theory for us.” (I’m not naming names here I don’t wanna get sued)

So a couple days later we get screenshots of my roommate’s dad’s email asking about the theory and the lead writer’s response:

“The fly is… Kuzco’s late father.”

My roommate’s dad: “is that canon?”

Writer: “It is now.”

So Kuzco’s dad was turned into an animal by Yzma, we assume, as part of her ploy to take the throne. It makes SENSE.


And that’s how I helped change the canon of a major Disney movie.

June 27 2017

20:00

zintersoldier:

anyone else have a heart thats too soft….. a marshmallow heart…… tempur-pedic mattress heart…. a cotton candy heart…..

16:00
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jadedamber:

matthewajl:

I’m not crying who’s crying not me

Well, ~I’m~ crying.

12:00

mjalti:

enjoy the short term!!! sometimes ur not gonna be friends for 46 years and that’s ok, just enjoy the drive!!! some people aren’t gonna have a significant impact in ur life but not every show is a TedTalk, sometimes u needs some Real Housewives!!’ loosen up, the universe is rearing to explode and if that bix isn’t permanent herself, you’ve got nothing to lose! forever is an illusion

11:00
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engineeredtokickass:

jonstarks:

randumbdaze:

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

imagine being so rich that you never need to attempt to raise money for anything in your goddamned life so you decide to sell organic cage free gluten free soy free lemon water for funsies but no one in your rich neighborhood leaves their house ever so instead you get your underpaid employees to give you, a rich toddler, their money.

i hate

I’M WHEEZING IMAGINE BEING THIS REMOVED FROM REALITY

The entire family is filled with horrible, delusional idiots

10:55
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comepraisetheinfanta:

Grandpa Dingell getting an assist from Chris Lu and extending the Drumpf drag.

08:00
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artykyn:

prideling:

gunvolt:

im going to have a stroke

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

  • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
  • Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
  • Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
  • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
  • Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
  • Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
  • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

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